By Chuck Corder

Kurtis Bailey got his a year ago.

Terry “Killer� Keller drove all the way to Fort Worth, Texas, for his — on Valentine’s Day, no less. For all the bouquets of flowers and boxes of chocolate and shoeboxes of cards, nothing says love quite like a Chrysler Newport.

The point of all these timelines and romance is to understand it takes a lot of planning and TLC to hold your own in a Demolition Derby.

Since the August spectacle returned to Five Flags Speedway in 2011 after a lengthy layoff, the Demo Derby has never failed to disappoint an always full house, which rivals any night during Snowball Derby week in December.

The annual gathering of wildly-decorated cars that end up as tangled clumps of shrapnel and metal returns Friday to the front straightway of Five Flags Speedway.

“There ain’t a free moment this close to the Demolition Derby,� said Keller, who will be behind the wheel of “Nelly,� a 1967 Newport. “I’m not gonna tell all our secrets, but it will be camouflaged and dressed up like a tank. It’ll be a big ol’ boat. You can’t miss it. Well, hopefully, the other drivers can, but the spectators won’t.�

At 53, Keller will be competing in his fourth and, likely, final Demo Derby to close out Friday night’s festivities. The Modifieds of Mayhem, The Dock on Pensacola Beach Sportsmen and Butler U-Pull-It Bombers all are in action, as well.

The gates open at 4 p.m. Friday with all fans getting through for $5 only, except for children ages 5 and under who get in for free.

The last Demo Derby car maintaining power Friday wins bragging rights for another year and a coveted $1,500 winner’s purse. Naturally, every driver and their respective teams will try anything, within the rules, to make their tanks less malleable and able to withstand extreme punishment.

“We’re doing some things, as much as the rules allow,� said John Burks, 52, father to Pro Trucks driver Brandon Burks and who hopes his 1986 Lincoln dubbed “The General� remains the last car running come Friday.

“We’ll have great, big American flags on it that will probably take a lotta abuse because of where they are. I’ve never been in a Demolition Derby before. I’ve been to a lot of them, and I always wanted to do it. When the opportunity arose, I jumped on it. It’s almost a shame. The big ol’ boat is in good shape and runs good. It’s gonna make one helluva Demo Derby car, I know that.�

Just like fishermen who won’t reveal their top-secret honey holes or a card player flashing an impenetrable poker face, Demo Derby drivers are hesitant to reveal just how far they’re stretching the rulebook.

They’ll happily describe the paint scheme and any sponsors, which Keller is still in search of, but they do not dare confess to what legal alterations they’re making.

But just like in short-track or any other style of racing, there is, believe it or not, typically a process in getting the junkers Demo Derby ready.

“All we do every year is knock the glass out of it, and make sure the car is in good working order, that it won’t overheat, and that the oil properly runs or we won’t burn through it in 8 to 10 minutes,� said Kurtis Bailey, who’ll drive a early-1990s Ford Crown Victoria. “We do spend a little more money than most when it comes to graphics, but we make sure it all looks nice.�

Bailey works part-time for Winged Wheel Garage owner David Tau. With Ronnie Smith behind the wheel of various Crown Victorias, Tau’s team won the first three Demo Derby events since they returned five years ago.

But when Smith discovered a vacation conflicted with the Demo Derby, Bailey anxiously stepped up.

“There’s definitely nerves associated with it,� Bailey said. “More so in trying to fill Ronnie’s shoes.�

Along with Smith and a slew of others, Keller couldn’t compete with Alabama driver and winner Eric Beard at last year’s Demo Derby.

“We took a knife to gunfight last year,� he said. “We had a ’83 Chrysler Fifth Avenue, and we did not have enough power to get outta a wet paper bag. Hopefully, this year we’ll have something for them.�

So he’s returning with “Nelly,� wife Tammy, nearly a dozen grandchildren and even more family, friends and co-workers from the industrial metal shop he works at.

Tammy Keller was a nervous wreck during last year’s Demo Derby and Terry Keller half-joked that he shouldn’t let her come back to Five Flags to watch the carnage once again.

“Of course, myself, I think she’s jealous of Nelly,� Terry Keller said.

“We want to destroy Nelly,� Tammy Keller countered.

That’s perfectly fine with Terry.

At the end of the day, for any Demo Derby worth its salt, seek and destroy is the name of the game.